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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27356461">Shadows</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvaHasAClosetMurderBoard/pseuds/AvaHasAClosetMurderBoard'>AvaHasAClosetMurderBoard</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>November Writing Challenge 2020 [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Overwatch (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, F/F, Mutual Pining of sorts?, Pining, i still don't know how to tag</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:29:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,877</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27356461</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvaHasAClosetMurderBoard/pseuds/AvaHasAClosetMurderBoard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Three more weeks pass before they are assigned to the same mission together. Fareeha does what she does best - she becomes Pharah, becomes the protector she was meant to be all along. Fareeha’s feelings are pushed aside, and all she sees in the field are the targets, the spots she’s supposed to sweep, the team she’s supposed to keep an eye on. Angela is just Mercy, just another Overwatch agent, and it helps, somehow. They don’t exchange more than two words, and even if Pharah notices the shift again when they stand side-by-side in the transport, it doesn’t affect her. </p>
<p>But Fareeha? That’s a whole different story."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fareeha "Pharah" Amari/Angela "Mercy" Ziegler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>November Writing Challenge 2020 [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995598</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Shadows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For the November Writing Challenge I'm doing with a few friends. The prompt for the day was 'Shadows' and this is what came out.</p>
<p>This is the first time writing for these two so I apologize in advance for any ooc that may have slipped into the text. </p>
<p>A huge thank you to @WardenRoot for the beta ♥</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Angela Ziegler has become such an enigma to her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Fareeha doesn’t remember a lot from her childhood, but most of the little she does involves a certain blonde wannabe doctor with kind features and a curious mind always searching for the right answers. There’s something that had drawn Fareeha to her even in her youth, and it’s with a fondness that she looks back and relives all those little moments between them - a cup of hot chocolate shared on a cold day, an afternoon spent in the medbay listening to Angela ramble on and on about things Fareeha could not comprehend or follow, a bar of Swiss chocolate sneakily passed to her when her mom wasn’t looking… </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Surely it would be naive of her to think or believe that she knows Angela simply based on their earlier interactions, and yet… </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The recall has proven to be both a blessing and a curse in that regard. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s not that she doesn’t recognize the woman who wields the Caduceus staff and goes by Mercy now - underneath all that armor and flair and sharp features she’s still the same Angela she remembers - but there’s moments in between where Fareeha finds herself catching glimpses, catching shadows behind those blue eyes that give her pause. She knows they’re both soldiers and both have seen their fair share of tragedy and horrors in the field like many others, but somehow it feels… different with Angela. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Not to mention it always seems to happen only when Fareeha is around. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>An irrational part of her can’t help it but to start taking it personally - it’s hard not to, considering Angela’s entire demeanor shifts the second Fareeha takes a seat at the same table as her or walks into the medbay. She may be laughing or making light conversation, eyes crinkled at the corners and a polite smile on her lips, but the moment she notices Fareeha she goes awfully silent and averts her gaze. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s only when Lena casually corners her in the hall and asks if something happened between her and Angela that Fareeha realizes she’s not the only one to notice the change. At a loss of words and answers, she swallows the wave of </span>
  <em>
    <span>something </span>
  </em>
  <span>that wraps itself around her chest and tries to play it cool, tries to promise she will talk to Angela about it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She doesn’t. She starts avoiding her instead. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If her presence appears to bother Angela </span>
  <em>
    <span>that much </span>
  </em>
  <span>then it's best if Fareeha keeps her distance. Or at least that’s what she tries and fails spectacularly to reason with herself, because after two whole weeks go by without even catching a glimpse of the doctor, Fareeha finds herself having a brand new problem - she misses her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And the worst part? She knows exactly why.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There’s no point playing coy anymore. Fareeha knows the childish crush she had harbored for Angela has only grown tenfold into something more over the years, and it hasn’t taken her too long after the recall happened to realize just that. In hindsight, maybe Angela has realized it too - the thought feels like enough to justify the change anyway, and Fareeha chooses to run with it. She’s not proud to play the coward but if it means making things less awkward in the field, she’s all for it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Three more weeks pass before they are assigned to the same mission together. Fareeha does what she does best - she becomes Pharah, becomes the protector she was meant to be all along. Fareeha’s feelings are pushed aside, and all she sees in the field are the targets, the spots she’s supposed to sweep, the team she’s supposed to keep an eye on. Angela is just Mercy, just another Overwatch agent, and it helps, somehow. They don’t exchange more than two words, and even if Pharah notices the shift again when they stand side-by-side in the transport, it doesn’t affect her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But Fareeha? That’s a whole different story. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When they return to the Watchpoint, she spends most of her awake time thinking and overthinking. She goes through every interaction they have shared, starting with their reunion post recall and the days after, trying to pinpoint </span>
  <em>
    <span>exactly </span>
  </em>
  <span>when and where things had taken a turn. Sadly no moment stands out - Fareeha considers that perhaps the shift was gradual, and that whatever she may have done to justify it is lost in a sea of small moments and conversations. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She considers asking Lena </span>
  <em>
    <span>when exactly </span>
  </em>
  <span>she’s noticed them acting different around each other, but quickly dismisses the idea. Involving other people never tends to end well. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Fareeha spends the next days mulling over offering an apology for whatever she may have done to upset Angela, but it’s hard to find the right words when one has absolutely no idea what they are apologising for in the first place. They are deployed together two more times in the field, and tensions grow between them even further when Pharah makes a call that Mercy doesn’t agree with.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The argument that follows is broadcasted to their entire team and is definitely one for the history books. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Pharah makes the mistake of calling her naive; Mercy counters by bringing up Ana. It’s a literal and verbal bloodbath. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They don’t dare speak to each other afterwards and none makes any effort to reach out, despite the clear meddling from the others. Lena and Zarya are the most verbal, relentlessly seeking her out during her work out or when she’s eating a quick meal, but even through their best efforts Fareeha remains unmoving. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She’s pretty sure they’re having just about the same luck with Angela. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A full month passes before there’s a quiet knock at her dorm door at two in the morning. At first, Fareeha wills whoever has decided it was a good time to stop by to leave and come back later, but after the third or forth knock she reluctantly gets out of bed. She’s still bleary eyed and half asleep when she unlocks the door and swings it open, but the second her gaze lands on who exactly is on the other side, it suddenly feels like someone has just dropped a bucket of icy water on her head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s Angela.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She looks dishevelled - that’s the first thing that comes to Fareeha’s mind as she regards the woman. She’s still wearing parts of her valkyrie suit, despite Fareeha being more than aware she’d returned from mission hours ago, but what truly gives her pause are the noticeable dark circles under her eyes and the way her skin glows unnaturally pale under the dimmed fluorescent lights of the hallway. Angela seems to regard her for a long moment, and Fareeha doesn’t miss it happening again - those shadows and glimpses flash behind her eyes, as they always do when Fareeha is present - and for a second she expects Angela to excuse herself and leave. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But that’s far from what happens next. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The second Angela’s mouth falls open, a torrent of half strung apologies slips out of it, closely followed by a rush of words she has trouble making sense of, considering how fast they precede one another. The longer it goes on, the more English mixes with German and the more confused Fareeha grows. She furrows her eyebrows but that doesn’t seem to demotivate Angela from whatever she has come to say at two in the morning, and after a few more minutes of pure nonsense, Fareeha has had enough. She reaches out, takes hold of one of Angela’s wrists, and tugs her inside, slamming the door behind them without a care. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She sits Angela down on her bed and pulls up a chair for herself so she can sit down across from her. She waits the long minutes it takes for Angela to stop fidgeting and to stop avoiding her gaze, and when their eyes meet Fareeha feels the air leaving her lungs all at once. She sees so much in there, a whole prism of emotions on display just for her to witness. It catches her off guard. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Angela notices, if the way she suddenly bites on her lower lip is anything to go by. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I am not like you,” she starts, “I have seen enough to last a lifetime.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Have you forgotten that I’m a soldier as well?” Fareeha retorques, cocking an eyebrow as if daring Angela to disagree. “I’ve seen plenty as well.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s… different.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How so?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Angela grows quiet again. She averts her eyes and Fareeha watches as the carefully crafted facade of Mercy begins to drop piece by piece to reveal the real woman underneath. Her shoulders sag, her lips tremble… She looks so small then that Fareeha has to stop herself from wrapping her arms around her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I carry shadows with me,” she half says, half whispers. Fareeha has to move closer to be able to hear her. “They are just as many as the ghosts from everyone I have ever known and could not save. They follow me wherever I go, like physical reminders of all the times I have failed.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Their gazes meet again. Angela continues. “I do not wish them upon anyone else…” she trails off for a heartbeat, “and especially not on you. You deserve so much better than what I can give you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Fareeha goes through several states the second the words hit and her brain manages to process them. At first, she doubts she has heard Angela right; then the fleeting joy at knowing there’s a chance the other woman feels the same hits, but sadly does not last. Other emotions take charge for the next few moments, until Fareeha lands on disbelief.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Who are you to decide-,” she starts, her voice carrying an edge of accusation. She shakes her head, takes a deep breath, and starts again in a more neutral tone. “Who are you to decide what I do or don’t deserve? That’s mine to decide, Angela, not yours.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Angela opens her mouth. Hesitates. “I am not deciding for you; I am simply saying you deserve better than what I can offer you. There are others out there that can-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“They are not you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The sudden confession hangs in the air between them and Fareeha allows for the meaning behind her words to sink in. It takes a few nervous, heart-beating-erratically-in-her-chest moments for realization to dawn on Angela’s features, and it’s with another dose of confusion and borderline disappointment that she watches pink lips drawing a thin line, followed by Angela suddenly standing up. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Fareeha is not about to let her walk away again, though. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Angela barely has time to mutter a half-cocooned excuse before Fareeha reaches for her and engulfs her in a hug. The other woman lets out a noise of surprise but luckily doesn’t pull away - she also doesn’t reciprocate, but Fareeha doesn’t mind. The body against her own feels as stiff as a board and there’s pieces of metal digging uncomfortably against her ribs, but even then she’s not willing to let go. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It takes a few, painstaking minutes for a pair of arms to hesitantly wrap themselves around her waist. It takes even longer afterwards for Fareeha to realize Angela has fallen asleep on her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘You have got to be kidding me…’</span>
  </em>
</p>
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